We're like them little bitches on the chess board.

[hard2tel]

[Xaston]

[emmasdad]

[BikiniCavegirl]

[hard2tel]

[kennyg]

i hope i make it to 100k in the next few days.

[EscapePlan9]

Why are you eating at a steakhouse? Didn't you give up red meat? F*ckin liar.

[Xaston]

[Twelver]

When your running bad, your running bad...tough stretch man.

[MVPSPORTS]

[Xaston]

You can't sell your seat. They print out a receipt and it says your name on it and all that. Furthermore, if you could sell the seat, you'd never get more than $5000 for it. My EV in the tournament however, was a great deal higher than $5000.

[MVPSPORTS]

[Xaston]

$300 "Second Chance" Tournament at Turning Stone or
My Life really is a cartoon or
A series of unfortunate events or
The last poker tournament I will ever play


Disclaimer: This post is entirely true. All the events described herein took place exactly as described. My life really is this much like a cartoon.

So after yesterday's main event there was still one more tournament, and that's today's $300 event. Things started out well and nothing too interesting happend. The cocktail waitress assigned to the tournament is stunning. Things are going good but not great. Then the following hands happen.

There is 1 or 2 limpers to the button who raises to 1000 (blinds are like 100/200 or 150/300). I have JJ in the SB and make it 3500. Folds to the button who shoves. I puke and then call (I had about 4500ish more). He has been playing quite snug/bad so far so I figured I was up against a bigger pair. He has 88 and I hold up.


Folds to the hijack who makes it 1000. Cutoff calls with a big stack. I have QQ on the button and make it like 4,800 or some shit. Folds to the cutoff who looks at my stack and shit. He goes to muck and then as he starts to I make sure to go and muck my cards quickly, this convinces him I'm weak, I guess, and he says I call. He then shows 99. Unfortunately I still have several thousand behind. He has to call and play his hand face up. The flop is T72 and he shoves I call and double up.

I am the tournament chip leader.

The hand posted in the MTT forum.

We then have a 15 minute break. Right at the tail end of the break I hear a dealer and one of the tournament directors say the name "Jaime Kaplan," as they are walking back into the tournament room. I say "What happend to Jaime Kaplan?" but they are too far away and don't hear me. We go back into the tournament room in a few minutes and the tournament director says "Is there a Jaime Kaplan in the room?" I go up to him. He informs me that I MUST go check out NOW. Funny, I made reservations till the 21st and today is the 20th. The blinds are 500/1000 with a 200 ante and I can't really afford this. I run to the room and tell Lee and Jason what happend. We start packing and I give them my keys so they can put the shit in my car for me, while I go to the front desk and check out and get back to the tournament. I get on the elevator, and there is a confused old woman. We are on floor 11 going down to the lobby, but she wants to go up to floor 18. I explain to her that she can go when we get to the lobby. I am being blinded and anted off at an exorbitant rate. We go down. The elevator stops at floor 5. There is another very old woman about 6 feet from the elevator. She is the tortoise. Then we finally get to the lobby and I sprint to the desk. There is a long line. After waiting in line I check out, sign the paper, and literally sprint back to the tournament room. I've only missed 1 round.

I then play a little poker and catch my breath and tell everyone what happend. We are now down to 3 tables. I then look at the receipt for the hotel room and notice something interesting. There is over $80 in charges for the mini bar. Apparently it's a sensor thing, so when Lee, Kara, and Groves put beer and ginger ale into the fridge, they moved the other stuff and I then got charged for them. I have a page and a half of charges of overpriced nuts and bottled water that I didn't even consume.

Blah Blah Blah we're down to 2 tables. I cripple the "pokerstars whore." It's some cute girl who really likes poker and money. She dates various high stakes nerds on pokerstars and uses them for their money. She's quite cute and seeing some of these dudes with a lot of money, I can see how it works.

We have another break and I straighten out the mini bar fiasco. I come back and we're down to 12. Top 10 are getting paid. The players talked and so did the tournament director.

The fat kid says "Does everyone agree to take $70 from the top 10 spots so that way 11th and 12th can get $350?"

There are a few replies but it's not very resounding so they say the more important question "Does anyone object?"

I quickly raise my hand and say I object. I am the only objector. People get their panties all up in a bunch. Eventually I agree to take $700 from first and give 11th and 12th $350 each, even though I don't really want to. I just didn't wanna hear them whine anymore. Back to poker.

A short stack shoves on the button (we are 6 handed) for like 20,000 (the blinds are 600/1200). I'm in the BB with like 42k or something and quickly call with AJo. He has AQo and I lose. Yadda Yadda Yadda one guy busts. I keep getting junk junk junk junk. Then I get A3 or AJ and theres a raise before me and I must fold. I'm getting very low. Then it happens. The "short stack" (who now has quite a number of chips) makes it 6500 at blinds of 1000/2000. The button makes it 20,000 straight. I quickly stick in my 12,000 from the SB with AK of hearts. All fold. I show and the button slowly reveals AQo with the Q of hearts. Jason and Lee cheer and fist pump. I excitedly back away from the table. The flop comes J78 with two hearts. I let out a sigh of relief as I realize how badly I have him slaughtered now. And then it happens. The Q of clubs comes off on the turn and my heart sinks. There is a lot of noise and commotion on the rail. It's ok. I can still hit a T or a heart or a K. Gimme some justice. The 4 of diamonds rolls off on the river and I collect my $10 profit for the tournament.

[kennyg]

[AlexMR]

POker sucks, dude.