I have been watching you play lately, and I think you are a genius. I know you've lost even more since this morning, so I wanted to write and remind you that it was just bad cards and not you.

Love,
Whitney

You know I was looking the other day. Its now almost 6 and half months since I started this journal. Writing it has been a labour of love since I really have no clue who does or doesn't read it but I hope who ever does takes something from the struggles I have had. I have always tried to be painfully honest in who I feel, play or just generally am. I guess that is why I felt I had to come straight he to write this and why this is also the hardest entry I have had to write. I feel especially shitty when I look at my post from yesterday. The poker gods definately do have a sense of humor.

$100NL

Hands: 1056
Amount Won: -$507.31 (new record by the way)
BB/100: -48.04

Pretty impressive. I read about people down swings, 3-4 buy ins and I have managed 5 in just one day. I should make a point of saying its not quite as bad, I managed to make $130 back in bonus money from Empire and UB so I am net about -$380 for the day. Still pretty impressive though.

You know its funny. I would think right now I would feel catatonic, or angry as hell or crying myself to sleep. Truth is I am writing this with something of a wry smile. I guess if you cannot laugh what can you do. I keep running little mantra through my head about how its technically other peoples money I have lost, that this is the reason we have BRs etc blah blah blah. I guess in some part of my brain this is true, but right now I am not feeling it. I do feel stunned and to be honest embarrissed. I guess this is the sort of day that makes you search your soul as to whether you are cut out for this game.

Well BOLLOCKS to it, I am going to play tomorrow.

I guess the only good thing about losing like this is that I should have loads of leaks I can plug. Well since I am baring all I might as well go through the horror book that is today...

Biggest loser today is AA of all hands. Had is 5 times and won 3, so what went wrong?

I tried to post the hands using the converter but it hates me so here is the disco chorus on the first. Bascially I got into a 3-way with two shorter stacks on a 9 8 6 flop, two hearts. The betting went mental on the flop when a guy bet into me for $8. I raised it to $22. The guy behind me goes all-in for $45, the first bettor goes all-in for $57. Its about $25 for me to call. If it was more I am junking but I figure one has to be drawing, possibly both. Its a small amount to call into a huge pot and me holding aces.

Sure enough one was drawing, the $45 all-in guy with A2s. The villian was the early better with 98s.

The other AA and I lost was the stupid guy with 22. I described this earlier. Neither of these hands totally stacked me but combined they cost me. Of the three hands I won none got past me betting the flop after raising preflop. I am not one for being clever with aces unless I am EP on a mega aggressive table. I prefer to play straight up and make people pay to beat me.

Next biggest loser was TT. 5 times and won 3 again. The only big loser was a hand where I lost half a stack after hitting a set on a flush board. I had TT EP and limped. We were four handed, flop is 4 7 3, two clubs. UTG bets $3, I raise to $8. Folds around and he calls. Turn is J of clubs, bugger. He checks so I check, I do not like this hand now. River is T of diamonds. He bets $8, I reckon he is stealing but I have a set... I make it $18, he goes all-in for $45 and I stupidly call. He has K3s for the flush.

I guess if I bet the turn and he raises big I can get away, otherwise I am screwed when the T hits. The fact he played K3s UTG tells you all you need to know in terms of his play. He was very loose and did like to bet, such as into his draw. I guess calling on the river saves me some money, it was always a case of how little I could lose on this hand.

Weirdly they are the biggest hands I lost, seems I never once got stacked on this losing streak, worse was losing about $61 in hand. Odd. Lets move on.

One of my personal favs. Now before going into this, this was near the end and I had actually been bitching to Suhleafs about how I would love a flush draw to hit. I def over played here but I shall indulge you...

95s on the BB. Limp 5 way. Flop is 3 7 T, two diamonds. SB bets $1. I call, one fold then the botton raises to $8. SB calls so I call the $7 as I have pretty good odds here with 3 players. Turn is the K of diamonds, sweet. SB and I both chk as I want to chk raise the button.Chks around, stupid I know. SB bets $28 (he has $11 left). I figure is he has a better flush then I am dead but would he let the turn chk around? I oblige and raise him all-in, button folds and he calls. Q8s of diamonds...

Okay, this one is a thing of beauty though I did play this badly.

99 MP and call a $3.50 raise from EP player. Two call behind me so we see it 4-way. Flop is 3 7 6, two hearts. SB chks and the EP player bets the pot ($14.50). This reeks of missed AK or AQ since it happened pretty fast and looks lazy and scared. I decide to make a stand here and make it $36. Short stack behind me goes all-in for $51. Fold back to me and its $15 to call. I am prob dead but I have odds to call plus this guy isn't exactly a great player.

Turn is Q of clubs, river 9 diamonds. YES YES YES.

Bad guy flips of QQ.

Okay, my play was questionable here but I still think I was right to fire since I was correct about the EP player If I want to win that pot then the flop is where I fire. If the reraise had been higher then I would have dropped but as seems to be a theme here, it was just enough to suck me in. Well after that it is just crap that I perform a great suck out only to get sucked back! Piss Wank.

Next worse is $31 with 66. This was a similar play where I lead into a raiser on a low flop. He raises in the BB, I am on the SB and call. Flop is J high with two clubs. He bets $7. He has been firing left and right while I have been pretty card dead on this table so I decide now is a good time to make a stand and fire back making it $28. He thinks then calls. Turn is a Q of diamonds. I chk and he goes all-in for $150. I fold.

Next is $33 with J2o where I accidentally reraised a guy, then decide to compound my error by trying to win the hand betting the flop. He sticks so and the flop is no help anyhow so I drop on the turn to a bet. This was a mistake!

I lost $28 with KQo, calling a min raise on the button (I know, min raise means evil). I hit the K and bet at it. As I am scared of the min raiser who is sticking I keep the pot small. He has AA. I think this one I did well as I was dead when I called the raise but I could have lost more. I guess not calling the raise is one thing though I see a lot of those raises now so its kinda tough not to some times. I guess this is where notes help though this was a newish player to the table.

Next is A2o. Played from the BB, 4 handed. Flop is J A J, two clubs. I come out firing $3 since I figure better to stick some money out there to see where I am at, otherwise I might as well fold now. Only one caller. Why I feel good about this I have no clue. Turn is Q, none flush so I decide to bet again since the board can now cancel my bad kicker if I am against another A. If he has a J I am expecting a move on the turn but he could be drawing to flush. I bet $7, he calls. River T. Why I bet this I have no clue but I do, betting $7, he raises to $14 and since I am only really worried about the J since I cannot see him drawing to the straight I call. He has QJs.

After this is just a collecting of missed draws and small hands. Despite this my big winners were QQ, AQo and AKo followed by KK. I won $72 with QQ, after that the next best is AQo with $24. Tough day at the office.

Looking at my general stats I got the following.

VP$IP: 16.29 (pretty much normal for me)
PFR: 6.91 (again normal for me)
Went to SD: 16.30
Won at SD: 30 (this is the killer I think as normally I am about 45%-55%)

Aggression

Flop: 3.13 (this was low for me)
Turn: 5
River: 2.80

I think this is way more passive than I normally am. I guess as the day wore on I did become more and more weak tight but then without good cards its hard to break this habit. As you can see often some of my bigger losses are on hands were I tried to play back and got caught. There were several times it did work but I was trying to pick my moments. I think too that it is a function of a losing streak that you do tighten and try to play good cards, which is tough when the deck is frozen solid. I was also concious that I wasn't going to tilt and try to win it all back. Pretty quickly I knew I was going to have a losing day so I was playing for pride.

So where do I go from here? Well I don't see that there are fundimental things I have done wrong. Tweak are needed but I also do feel looking at the hands that I didn't play awful and in some cases had things been a little different I would either have got away oor won the hand. I think I am big enough to put this behind me and go on from here.

BR wise I am still good and I have shown some profit this month still. I think this was always going to come at one point, the joys of NL eh? I am going to do some more study on my hands but I think I can put a lot of this down to crap. I have no idea how many draws I missed or how many time I made a monster hand only for no action.

Well tomorrow is another day (thank god).

Rich

Rich honey,

That is total crap about you wondering whether you are "cut out for this game." I will remind you of the thread you had me read just yesterday, and maybe you should read it again and pay attention!

http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/sho ... &sb=5&o=14

Today was bad, but I am not going to try to comfort because that does not make you feel better. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, with better cards and fewer misses. I think you are a good poker player, and even better in live play (think of April 28th - 4 months today!!).

Love,
Whitney

One nights sleep later I think there are going to be some changes I need to make on my game. I reckon my flop play needs to be a little tighter. I think I have the right idea about things but I am directing my aggression in the wrong areas.

I love leading into people and I love raising people on the flop. Where I have been going wrong sometimes is doing this to the wrong people. I know the guy I buzzed on the 66 hand was an ultra-aggressor so there is every chance he did have a missed AK when he made that move on the turn.

Right, new guide lines. I am going to keep those moves to the weak players. Against the aggressors I am going to keep it tight but when I do play them I am going to try to play it like I played them in limit, attack all the way. This will mean I need to make sure I have a hand before I get involved of course. This has worked for me the past but I think I need to get my head around playing the player more. When I write these things it seems like I am stating the obvious but in the confusion of the tables this blinding logic sometimes goes astray.

I was talking with Suhleafs last night about things. We went through our PT stats and we have virtually identical stats exept on aggression. I tend to to fire where as he plays more pot control. I think my instincts are often good but having said that had I played it his way while I would still have lost I am not sure I would have lost so much. I think the answer though is being more selective in my use of force.

I think am going to play for the rest of the week on only two tables but really really concentrate on the players. Sometimes when I am playing a real action nugget will appear who I will watch, note and very often take out. I need to increase this awareness. When I really zone into someone I am good, I just seem sometimes to play on automatic pilot and thats not good enough for this level if I want to play the game I want where I will put people in binds. I need to know how they will react better then I can choose who to hammer and who to use pot control on.

One thing I have noticed is the amount of players who using the NL auto-rates rules provided come under tight/neutral. I think these players need to be watched more. In the past I played these as weaker but on reflection I don't think that is right, I should assume stronger till I have reason to think otherwise. This is in no way influenced by me auto-rating myself the other day and coming out as tight/neutral!

I am going to play tonight and really try to go back to basics. I know its been said many times before but the aim tonigh is really going to be to play perfect poker and let the results take care of themselves. I know I am getting better all the time as a player but I also know this can breed arrogance in me so sometimes a good slapping down can be good. If I take this set back as a wake up call, fix what is wrong in my game and come back stronger then $500 will seem a bargain in the long term. I feel good, strong and to be perfectly honest I am really eager to play. Since I am back to UB it means I will have to wait till later for the tables to fill up.

Oh, this is the tie breaker day. Technically I am down about $30 for the weekend net (inc bonus money etc) so any kind of a win today would pull me back. A win of $155 and I am up on table time for the weekend. I guess if you are going to have a super losing day thank god it was after a super winning day. The fact my record lose is now higher than my record win again is something I am going to slip into denial about.

I hope now I have gained some proper variance in my game I can get some respect from TW now! Feel free to ship some of your $20 whisky here bud.

Anyway I don't think I am a true gambler till I have lost a weeks wages in a day. Now got that badge of dishonor.

It can only get better. Good luck at the tables an I hope I have taken all the bad luck from you guys. Taking one for the team!

Rich

Best laid plans etc...

Truth is my lazy gene kicked in and after sorting dinner I really couldn't be arsed to play. Instead I did some work with the missus. She is still getting through the quagmire that is $0.50/$1 so I decided to set up a seperate PT database for her stuff and I am going to try to help her as best I can. I figure I can tutor her enough to get to $2/$4 then I think she needs more expert advice. I am also going to get her to put the tricky stuff on the forum here. I still have a pretty handy limit game and enough for the idiots at that level.

And advice worth having for this? She has already read Jones and Sklansky on limit poker and I will send her back to the States in October with SS2 though I don't think it helps much at low limits.

Well I am back tomorrow.

Rich

Hey, I read your journal quite often and it's a good read.

Just keep plugging away and try not to feel too down about the loss. There are often times where I guess I have a mini-tilt, where I just make a stupid call preflop or in general, make a bad play. I shut down right there, I tell myself fuck it. Leave the table, join a new one, or go onto Pokerstars or just plain, get off the computer and do something else for like 20 minutes. It helps and when I come back it's usually off my mind.

As for recommending a limit book for the missus. I'd maybe go with the SS2 section on limit as you mentioned. I really dont like Sklansky a whole lot, his book is really boring and I don't agree with a lot of the concepts. I would recommend Championship Hold Em by TJ Cloutier and Tom McEvoy. It goes into great detail about specific hands, and the book is more of a discussion between the two, rather than theoretical mumbo jumbo.

PS: I am still down with your idea about hooking up and talking strategy/theory. We should sit down together at a ub table for say, an hour or two, then discuss certain hands that we played, whether we played em great, or not great, etc.

Ha Ha, she does but she is already married. You got to snap these girls up fast...

Played tonight in my comeback session. Didn't stat very well, I had a KQs had losing to AA. It was a well played AA hand and I hooked a K with the flush draw so no real chance of getting away. I lost about $60 on that hand since the guy kept me in though I think I did well not pull the trigger as the hand had bolxed written all over it. Then I lose $40 with KK when a small stack pushed in for his last $25 on a low unassuming flop. 22 does me again as he has the set. These two hands put me $100 down in the first 30 mins, here we go again...

Well I was patient and played well. Some hands hit and few didn't but my opponents don't know that

After the KQs hand a guy next to me made the comment in the chat about how it was a really dumb call. I bit my tongue since I don't like creating hassle plus I wasn't convinced he was wrong but still. The fact he had a fish symbol on him from PT also made me want to keep quiet, he was now a marked man. Normally in these situation nothing ever comes of it, no tangles then one of us leave on is his case someone else stacks him.

For all those occassions when you wanted to nail a big mouth can couldn't, enjoy...

Ultimate Bet No-Limit Hold'em, $1 BB (10 handed)

Button ($104.15)
SB ($41.05)
BB ($97.80)
UTG ($48)
UTG+1 ($52.65)
UTG+2 ($27.35)
MP1 ($87.30)
MP2 ($61.05)
Hero ($92.85)
CO ($153.40)

Preflop: Hero is MP3 with , .
1 fold, UTG+1 calls $1, 2 folds, MP2 calls $1, Hero raises to $3, 3 folds, BB calls $2, UTG+1 calls $2, MP2 calls $2.

Flop: ($12.50) , , (4 players)
BB checks, UTG+1 bets $1, MP2 calls $1, Hero raises to $12, BB folds, UTG+1 folds, MP2 calls $11.

Turn: ($37.50) (2 players)
MP2 checks, Hero bets $28, MP2 bets $28, Hero calls $0.

River: ($93.50) (2 players)

Final Pot: $93.50

Results below:

MP2 has 6s 7h (high card, queen).
Hero has Ah Js (one pair, jacks).
Outcome: Hero wins $93.50.

Not sure this is getting the full fun of this hand. While I am not normally a TP martyr this guy was that bad, as the hand shows.

Arse was as he left the table the second the chips got pushed my way so prob never saw my comment about dumb calls. Shame.

Results:

Hands: 258
Amount Won: $20.80
BB/100: 8.06

It might not be a big win but it means a hell of lot to me today, especially after the crap at the start of the session. I feel back on the road to recovery, even if it is $20 at a time.

Rich

The recovery still continues...

I played for about 2 hours today again on only two tables. I think I am recontructing things a little. I am also making a point of really trying to make notes on other players. I am a bit lazy at this and I think I have been over depending on things like GT Plus. I am finding holes in how it works. The auto-rate rules define a style of play but it doesn't help in getting the players understanding of poker since two players with the same rating can be very different, even fishes. I am learning this as I am watching and hoping to get better at it.

Okay result today, a few hands went for me and a couple against. No stacking action either way though so I grinded out a profit.

Hands: 250
Amount Won: $17.95
BB/100: 7.18

I am happy with this. I am not taking any wins for granted at the moment. In this session I was up for a bit, then down for bit finally finishing where I did after stacking a guy with a $50 stack when I hit a set with 22 and he went all-in with two pair.

I am trying to concentrate more on my BB/100 and less on the overall amounts won. I want to get a true idea of my earning potential and use this as my barometre. I will prob post my months results tomorrow of Friday. Its been quite a month and the good news is I can confide that I did still make money, just not as much as I would like. I am not going to grumble though on a winning month...

Rich

Well a winning start to the month of sorts. I played a brief session on UB, two tables over about two hours. Nothing really happened though I lost a chunk making a ill timed stand against a LAG.

Hands: 214
Amount Won: -$1.30
BB/100: -0.60

I said of sorts since when you chuck in the $6 I got from UB then I am up for the first day of the month. I think I played well making a few laydowns including KK on a T T 9 board when someone went hyper sonic on in a 4 way pot. I used to be pissed to drop hands like that but now I see this is how people become TP or over pair martyrs. Something I have no intention of becoming.

I am back on it today, then I have a Party bonus to work on from Sunday. I am just waiting as I need to cash out of Poker Stars. I have now got 5 bonus' stacked up from there. Since I have no intention of ever playing limit again I am going to wait till I am at $200NL then spend a few weeks there getting them all off. I also have $150 on Paradise that I shall work off one day, prob the day they put hand histories on your hard drive.

Right, I should post the results from last month since I have been slack at doing that.

August 2005.

$50NL

Hands: 432
Amount Won: -$110.25
BB/100: -51.04

$100NL

Hands: 6219
Amount Won: $277.69
BB/100: 4.46

Total

Hands: 6651
Amont Won: $167.44
BB/100: 0.86

The $500 loss in one day really killed the month but I still made some money. I also cleared about $300 in bonus money from Empire, Party and UB so it was a nice earning month. It does seem this month was a break out month for me even if near the end the results did go against me. I am now playing $100NL and really feel like I belong despite some swings. I have solidified my BR position to play this, I am currently at about $1500 following the loss and withdrawing to buy the new laptop. This is a nice platform to go into this month on. Hopefully I can get $100 off Party without too much hassle and really push on.

Since the wife is coming on the 26th Sept this is really going to be a 3 week month for me so I am going to have to concentrate to put the hours in. Last month I did blow off playing on quite a few occasions so it shouldn't be too hard to match my hours. I have gone back to playing two tables for a little while though I shall probably push to 3 again on Party, though making sure I am loading them up slowly as I get the feel for one etc.

Looking at my overall stats nothing leaps out. I am going to post a 10k stat check on the forum but I think overall I am looking good. I did notice that I lost money with two pair at showdown and actually lost 53% of showdowns where I had two pair. I don't like the hand anyway but I think I am going to be even more cautious with it from now. I also only made 75% of my three of a kind hands stand up at showdown. Considering this is showdown that seems low. I would have expected I would eject most dodgy hands before getting there.

My plan is to keep going this month. I just want to get on and make some money, see how things run. Lately I am playing real good, making good plays, good reads and I think I am making the best I can out of what I am given. There are still mistakes but when they happen I am trying to learn from it and move on. I think my mentality is a lot better. Even during the $500 loss day I didn't tilt money away and rather than be angry I was actually quite bemused by the whole thing. The funny thing about all that is I find I always worry about having a huge loss day. Well now I have I am pretty sure it would not be possible for me to beat that in one day so everything else cannot be as bad. Whats a $200 loss after my $500 loss, relief actually!

Well speak soon and GL for the month ahead.

Rich

Played a pretty long session yesterday though a chunk of it was only on one table.

Hands: 674
Amount Won: -$91.30
BB/100: -13.54

Not quite the result I was looking for. Big hand of the night was me getting stacked by KK vs AA. This is the second time this has happened to me in a week. This time I was MP and raised $3, one caller then the BB raises to $16. Hmmm, seems like AA though I would have reraised either $9 or $12. We see the flop 3 way which is pretty harmless. He bets full pot. Here is the error I guess. I sense this bet is weak given this guy has pulled a move and got three callers and it now crapping it. A 1/2 to full bet I would respect but this seemed scared. Well I push as its only another $20 against calling and he called. Bugger.

Otherwise I missed a ton of flushes and draws. I did hit one flush but lost to a f/house. I did smell the danger so the loss was minimal. Twice I actually missed open ended straight flush draws. While the result looks bad for a chunk of the session I was looking at a $150 loss so I got some back.

I was playing for a while with Suhleafs. Since we are playing the same games and play them in roughly the same way we have been working together sharing hands and ideas etc. We played a bit where we shared some of our big hands. It was a good excersise. Since NL is so subjective its good to really talk through the thought process in a hand. I tend to put more favor in how I am thinking over how I am playing sometimes. Since often in any given situation I might fold, call, raise or push depending on factors.

I cannot believe UB have changed their points system. Seems the toughest bonus in poker has just got a whole heap tougher. By my calculation I am losing about $5-$10 a session. This blows since I had just got to a limit where I could really start hammering all the money I had got on UB. I am doing the Party bonus from Monday then I might take a shot at Poker Stars. I now have $600 stacked up there that would be nice. I think I shall leave it a week or so though since they have just had their reload it will be full of bonus whores. If the rate of clearance sucks then I shall just got back to plan B and wait till I can play $200NL, if I ever get there.

Well I am on UB tonight so hopefully a few cards might fall for me, you never know...

Rich

Ric,

I do read the journals. I will echo what Whitney said, while I havent seen enough of your play to call you a genius, you are a good poker player. Its easy to doubt yourself when everything you do seems to go wrong, we have all been there.

Though for me when I am having one of really bad days, I quit for the day. It looks like you were playing ok and that wasnt the cause of your loss, but I usually quit anyways. THe fish will always be there when you come back. From hearing Whitneys comments it sounds like you have a similar competative personality as I do. The bad beats always seem to come in spurts and for me quitting for the day is the best way to avoid super high frusteration levels.

My ex would tell you that I obsess over hands or sessions I have played. I think this is part of what makes me a good player but also what causes frusteration and I cant tell you how many times I have gone to bed at night with wry smile that you talked about.

Hope your luck gets better.

Well the LAG lasted for about 90 mins till his two pair ran into aces which turned into a set. But it was fun while it lasted at least.

I decided to go back a play a few more hands. Why do I delude myself? I lost another $50, basically on two hands, one AA and one KK where a short stack out drew me. Bollocks to it.

Hands: 370
Amount Won: -$151
BB/100: -40.82

This bites. Well whatever, I am going to go to bed and will be back tomorrow. If I get some hands to hold up I might be able to deliver some real whoop-ass.

Rich