Legends of Poker at the Bike...it's the most wonderful time of the year.

Played the $545 NL tourney yesterday. I busted about 70th out of 333, and yes that did suck. A couple of fun ones prior to that:

- early on, blinds at 25/50. I open raise to 175 with KJ. One caller on the button. Flop comes down KJ7, I bet half the pot, he raises, I reraise all in, he beats me into the pot. Approximately around the time his arm starts to move carrying the remainder of his chips into the pot I realize he's got a set and I'm in bad shape, sure enough it's 77. So I've got four outs for my tourney life here. Do I hit them? No. I hit a runner-runner flush instead. Other guy takes it like a man.

- EP limper, I raise with AQ. Flop comes down AT2. He checks, I bet 500 into the 1000 pot. He min checkraises me. WTF? But since he has donkey written clearly across his forehead, I call. Turn is a 9, he bets out. It's push or fold time here, since I have (barely) enough to push him off something but there's nothing he can be pushed off of that beats me. Inflection point! I go to his forehead, and it still spells out D-O-N-K-E-Y in big magic marker writing. I push, he beats me into the pot. I say "you've got me", but no, he has A6o. Thanks for the chips.

- Here I got dumb. A dumb guy minraises when I'm in the BB with Q4o. SB calls, I call. There's 1200 in the pot (math is going to be important on this one). Flop comes down 764 rainbow. I decide that the minraiser has overs so I bet out 600. Now here's how I got dumb. Minraiser only has 1400 left in his stack. I'm committed to calling him if he pushes, which is exactly a situation I don't want to be in. Naturally he pushes, and with the 4:1 odds I'm getting to chase my (hopefully) 5 outs or (even more hopefully) dodge his 6, I call. He has 99 and it holds up. I silently congratulate him on him being a giant donkey and catching me in a mistake. A hand that could have cost me 200 chips cost me 1600 instead.

- yet another "never slowplay KK lesson": I raise with A6, a shortstack pushes from the CO and the button flat calls. The shorty has a bit under 3x my raise, so calling him would have been iffy but I likely would; now that there's another player in the call is instant. Button has a decent stack, as do I. Flop comes down AQ9 with two diamonds. I open-push, hoping that if he has a crappity ace (like mine) or a draw he'll fold. No free cards, pot is big. He very reluctantly folds his KK and I win the pot.

I take some shit from the table on this one, but fuck all y'all because I was priced in. KK knows he screwed up. I also kinda screwed up by not letting him hang himself on the flop, but that's a minor one.

Nothing got better from there, I had a stack and it dwindled away. Got stuck in a couple other bad situations, but stacks were never deep enough to outride them. It's tough to win in a tourney when you're not catching cards and the stacks aren't big enough for resteals (without committing the whole stack). I finally went out with K7o after going for a steal and getting called by the button. Flop is all spades 8 high (my 7 is a spade). I bet, he insta-calls. OK, he's got the ace of spades. 7 on the turn and I push, he calls. Yes, he has the ace of spades along with an offsuit 8. Helluva call there preflop. GG.

F'ing satellites.

Here's one of the gheyer super satellite structures:

$200 multi rebuys. 500 chips to start, but each rebuy gets you 1000. Double rebuys, double addons, blah blah. Blinds start at 25/25, 20 minute rounds. A couple problems here. First is that when you sit down you can of course double-rebuy, which means that you're quintupling up. Big jump there. Forces you to double-rebuy.

Second problem is that age-old problem of making it easier for the house to steal from the pool. With 500 in the starting stack and 1000 for the rebuys/addons, it's quite simple for the TD to be skimming. Not that I would ever think of accusing the lovely Margie of doing this, but it can and does happen, which is why it's always wise to be suspicious of a satellite structure like this.

I played it anyway since I'm a sucker and I want to get into the Legends main event. Pushfest from hand #1. Donkaments doesn't even begin to describe it. I double-rebought and then doubled up someone on hand #2 with my TT vs his venerable 54s.
I doubled back through the same guy later with TT vs something else. Then he doubled back through me with 54s (again) against my AK. Is A32 a good flop for 54s? Is it wise to call all-in preflop with 54s? Apparently yes.

We started with 19 players and I go busto in 7th place. Only one seat is to be won with some cash prizes for the losers. With blinds at 500/1000 and 7700 in my stack (which was about the average), I called an UTG all-in of a slightly smaller stack with A4s and ran into AQ. I still contend it was a good call despite the speech I got from the donkey next to me. He'll push right there with any two cards (I know I would). A4s may not be far ahead of his range but it is ahead, and I was in dire need of doubling up.

This is a bad way to spend $1000 at poker. I wish there was a non-retarded super satellite being run for this.

I then went to the 5/10 game to win back my money and pride, but it was not to be so. One of those slow-grind sessions where about eleventy billion hands go like this:

- get AQ in MP. Raise to $50. Get 3 callers. Flop comes down J62 rainbow. Bet out $100. Get checkraised to $400. Fold.

I hate these sessions, I'd almost rather just lose my stack in a blaze of glory. And of course as soon as I start getting some cards it looks like this:

- AKs, call a LP raise in the blinds, get one other caller. Flop is K75. Check around. Turn is a king. Bet out $100. Shorty goes all-in for $200. Other guy folds. Shorty has KT. There's a 5 on the river for a chop, meaning I finally catch a fucking hand and win $20.

And I get a couple other hands that start to make it look like things are turning around, so naturally the table breaks. It's 3 AM, time to admit defeat and go home rather than go to one of the other tables, which would likely be disastrous. Lose a grand here, lose a grand in the satellite. In the scheme of things not a huge loss, just a frustrating day.

Here's the anatomy of a horrific session:

It's 5/10 NL at the Bike. I buy in for $2000. From a couple of moderately bad hands (bot nothing extraordinary) I'm down about $700. Not a big deal yet. Then this one comes along.

T9o on the button. A weird guy raises to $40. Weird as in flightly LA actor type. I know it's going to be a multi-way pot so I call. Sure enough it's 5 of us to the flop, which is K86 rainbow. It's checked around on the flop. The turn is a J, making me open-ended instead of gutted. It's also the second spade (of which I have none). One somewhat weak player bets $65 into the $200 pot, so I'm instantly thinking "take it away from that guy." Then the preflop raiser calls in between. I'm still in "take it away" mode since they both seem weak. I make it $275 to go. Bettor folds, and preflop raiser hems and haws for a long while before calling. I still think he's weak, likely drawing, maybe AJ. Turn is a brick, he checks to me. He has about $600 left. I make the only move I can, which is to push, and he insta-calls with KK. Well played, or not. Thanks at least for giving everyone a chance to hit a hand, but sucks that it cost me nearly $1000.

I buy in for some more change, but nothing doing much after that, just completely card dead. Can't get a big pot for the life of me.

Much later, and I'm down to about $1200. The table has gone from loose to tight to loose again. I have 96s, limp in, and see a flop with a bunch of people. Flop is 876 with two clubs. I bet out $50 into the $80 pot, and young guy with sunglasses and askance baseball cap raises me to $300. I KNOW he's full of shit since he's always full of shit. I push, he calls with clubs. Since I'm running bad he catches his flush as I catch my straight. Goodnight.

So that right there is how you lose $3500 in one session, which is the worst session I've ever had. Stings like a motherfucker.

The $1000 Ladies tourney was at the Bike yesterday. I did not play but as it turns out I could have if I wanted, they can't legally stop the dudes from playing a ladies tournament. Can you imagine the reaction however if I showed up in there? There are bounty tourneys, and then there would be this.

Anyway the tourney is a benefit for breast cancer, so they're giving the players and staff buttons to wear that say "save the ta-tas." Clever.

But here's what happens when you have a $1000 ladies tourney on a Saturday- no action in the cardroom. The Bike has been cranking all through Legends but this was a genuine action-killer. It might as well have been a Saturday in November.

I played the 5/10 NL as always. It's not a bad table I'm at, there seemed to be one or two semi-donks here. Very early on I decide to get show-offy with this hand:

Middle-aged Middle-Eastern guy who is very talky and jolly and likely no good at poker open min-raises from the button. He was deciding whether to limp, whether to raise bigger, and he settled on $20. This did not look like a strong-when-weak bet to me. I'm in the SB and reraise it to $100 with 77. Much to my consternation he calls. The flop is like 15 different overcards, all paint, and including an ace. I figure this had to hit him squarely so I check. He checks behind. I still think he has some of this. Turn is a 9, I check again. I'm in check/fold mode right now. Now he starts talking- "Aha, now I know you have 88!" He bets $25 into the $200 pot (not a typo). I decide between raising and calling, but know that there would be nothing more bullshit than raising here, even a bad player could smell that. So I call. River is a 6 and I bet out $150. I decided on a bet to make him confused and fold anything that isn't at least an ace. He starts openly wondering if I just made a set of sixes. He folds his JJ face up. I show him my 77 and semi-compliment him on his handreading ability, since after all 77 is no different than 88 here. But mostly I showed because this is the image I wanted the table to see.

And it did pay off a bit later when someone called me down with some crap when I had top two. Amazing how often a little bit of advertising works.

Mostly though I was hovering between even and a few hundred up. Then this beauty:

QQ on the button, and guy to my right makes it $40. He's new here but has me covered (I'm at about $2500). He looks like a guy who knows what he's doing. I flat call rather than reraise, since I don't want to build a pot preflop. We get one limper as well, so there's $120 in the pot for a flop. Not sure yet if I like it. PF raiser bets $115. Hmmm. I gotta figure I'm way ahead or way behind here- I've either got him or he has AA/KK. No point in raising here. However, the limper comes along, which I do not like.

They both check the turn (which was . Now I'm starting to really think that I'm ahead. Limper could have some crap like AT, PF raiser likely has nothing or a smaller pair. I would love to take the pot down now so I bet $250 into the $475 pot. Limper flat calls. PF raiser is flummoxed and folds. I'm fairly sure now that the limper has trip 7's and is gunshy about his kicker or a possible boat. He looks like he could use some Tums. If he checks the river I will check behind.

River is pure gold though - . Ding! Two-outers rock. He checks to me, and I take a look at what he has left (about $1500) and bet $600 into the $1000 pot. Since I've got him on a 7 I figure this is about the max I can wring out of him on a paired board that also now has three to a flush. He thinks for a while and very reluctantly calls. He doesn't show his cards but by his reaction I can tell that it was the queen that killed him.

It was late anyway and after that a couple new people show up and the table starts to turn surly. Who needs that at 3AM? A loooooong debate broke out between two people about the "forward motion" rule. Just what I want to be in the middle of. And one new guy, another middle-aged Middle Eastern but this one decidedly not jolly, sits next to me with $500 in cash. Our conversation goes like this:

Me: I can change those bills if you'd like.

Asshole: Mind your own business.

Most people would say either "yes, thank you" or "no thank you" here. Most people aren't at the Bike at 3AM with a puny stack and a grudge because he's been losing his whole life. But I went home winner shortly after anyway, it was late and life's too short to deal with people like that.

It felt like 2005 last night on UB.

Played some 2/4NL full ring (first time I've played full ring in like forever), and it was a total donkathon. Here's a gem: I'm in the BB with AA, it folds to the button who pots it, I repot it, he calls, flop is Jxx. I bet $50 into the $90, he minraises me, I push for another $150, he calls with his J9o. Naturally the rest of the board is like JJJJJJJJ and he stacks me, but still thats beside the point. J9o is sooooooo hot right there. And he was about the 3rd dumbest guy at the table.

So after all the fish went off to lick their wounds and donkey above took his money to give it away to someone else, I left. I was pissed. I finished doing my laundry and checked back in online to see that the above table's biggest donk was sitting at a 3/6 NL heads up table, waiting for an opponent. With $107.50. I sat down and relieved him of that within about 10 hands. He then bought in for $150, then $150 more after he lost that. In 15 minutes I had my $400 back.

Like I said, felt like 2005 all over again.

Vanessa Rousso is officially "poker hot." Scotty Nguyen's wife or gf is actual hot. I figure all y'all poker players know the distinction.

And BTW the way to get hot girls in a cardroom is to have a $10k event going on at the same time; the rich guys in the tourney have hot chicks playing the cash games.

So here's a hand where I really wanted an extra $400 of Vanessa's money but didn't get it. 5/10 NL at the Bike, as always. I open in LP for $40 with KK. Called once on the button, called in the blinds by Ms. Rousso.

Flop is picture-perfect, K92 rainbow. Its checked to me and ordinarily I bet my sets, but this seemed as good a place as any to slowplay, mostly because I had check-folded once or twice recently after raising preflop and whiffing. Plus there ain't much money in the pot which makes it easier for the others to fold. So anyhoo, I check and it checks around.

Turn is an offsuit 4 (perfect rainbow on the board now), she checks and I bet $65 into the $120 pot. The extra nickel is there to make me look scared. Button calls, and Vanessa checkraises to $210. Now the button has about $450-$500 in front of him, and while I doubt he has much of a hand the chance exists that he'll hang around for the reasonably priced raise or, even better, he'll push which would officially make this a big pot. So I flat call the $210, but he folds.

River is a 7, so I do in fact have the nuts with top set (how often does that happen? not often enough). I'm hoping and expecting her to put out some kind of bet, but you know what? She's a good player and checks. Had she bet anything I could've pushed and she'd have a tough time folding given her stack size. So I fire $400 into the $600 pot, she goes into the tank, and eventually folds. Table confers and agree with each other that I had a set of nines. She says she would've called $200-$300 with her "two pair" (in quotation marks given the high dubiousness of the statement) but $400 looks too much like a set.

So now I'll go all Tarantino here and travel backwards in storytelling. I had earned over $2000 off one unlucky mope at my previous table, the three hands it took me to do so were the epitome of bitch-making. Goes like this:

The appetizer: I flop a king-high flush, bet the flop, he raises, I call, check/check the turn, I bet the river and he pays me off. TY.

Main course: He raises to $50, I reraise OTB to $175 with AA. He pops it back to around $500. I push (have him covered, he has about $1400 total). He INSTA-calls. I hold up my AA and ask him if he has the other two, since if so I'll propose that we just call it off and chop it right there. Nope, and it wasn't KK either. QQ FTW. Naturally I assume that a donkey like this will catch his queen, but I catch my ace instead and its curtains for him.

Dessert: After he rebuys and doubles through someone else, I raise UTG with QQ and he calls OTB. Flop is jack-high and scary, I bet $75 into the $100 and he calls. Turn is moderately safe so I bet $150 and he calls. River puts a straight out there (something like a J7654 board) but by now I've got him on either a jack or a (busted) flush draw so I bet $300 and he calls. QQ is good, thanks for calling me down with AJ or whatever crap it was.

So after he left nothing really went all that well. Couldn't build from there and couldn't do much else. I had one hand that cost me $800:

EP raises to $50, I call with 55, button reraises to $200 (he's a tight player). I want EP tp push with his $500 so I don't have to setmine for $200 (both me and the raiser are deep, so yeah), but he folds and it's into the mines for me. I've got the raiser on big pair or AK, nothing else. It ain't a resteal.

Flop comes down J43 rainbow. If he's got AK this is a great flop for me since I can steal it from him. I check and he bets $200. Seems like a weak cont. bet, so I call with the intention of betting any turn that doesn't have an ace or king. It's a 2 on the turn (making me open-ended, bonus) and I bet out $400 into the $800 pot. He instantly goes all-in. He tells me to fold and that he'll show me his hand (it was a friendly game like that). I fold, he shows me JJ. So that's why the flop bet looked weak.

I still don't necessarily think I did much wrong here, since he'd fold anything but JJ, AA or KK. About 50/50 whether he'd call with QQ. AK of course I'm ahead of and even if he did make a bonehead call with it, his ace is not only dead but would cost him a ton of money if it hit. With that raggedy board and him knowing I'm a tight player, it would be natural for him to put me on a set and not want to tangle since there's a lot at risk.

But oh well, still seemed like good poker gone wrong.

So a session that I was up $2k in after the first hour ended up being a +$900 session. Disappointing but it sure beats losing.

Nice reads Eli, keep it coming.

Sorry, Im a week behind here, but in the 77 hand against the guy who min raised the button, I think you should bet that overcard flop. You said it looked like it hit him squarely, but I think its much much more likely that it hit YOU squarely than him based on preflop action.

He min raised preflop which is gonna be a pocket pair ALOT of the time...even moreso when he calls your reraise. Hes going to fold most flops with this preflop action. You reraised so theres a very good chance you have a big act or bigger pair than him.

Also, regarding your "consternation"...maybe you should take some Kaopectate?