Dreams
Current mood: calm
Although this losing streak hasn't affected my sleep (or lack thereof), it has invaded my sub-conscious. Lately my dreams have been reflecting my struggling month in poker.
I don't remember any specific dreams. I wake up from them randomly, and realize immediately afterward that my my brain has some issues with losing.
"Did I really get this far on my merits or just complete luck?"
"Will it ever turn?"
"Are they all better than me?"
There are all thoughts going through my head. They aren't represented literally in the dreams, but metaphorically by different situations and scenarios. Each dream I'm struggling with my confidence. I know it's not a coincidence. I didn't realize I had so many doubts locked away.
The good news is that I can look at my long term stats and smile. This is a mathmatical correction phase. I knew this was going to come and I also knew it would hit hard. Still, it may have been impossible to prepare for mentally. I'm not sure. This is why poker takes so much disipline and emotional control. (Not to mention great money management.)
I say all this crap and I'm only down around 12 buyins on this recent run. Hell, I'm still up for the month! It's all just crazy. I need to get over it and move on. Persevere.
Poker is a hell of a game.
Currently watching:
The X-Files - The Complete Third Season
Release date: By 08 May, 2001