Good suggestion. I'll be taking days off poker this Monday-Wednesday (I have two tests to study for around then anyways).

Now that I'm starting afresh, moved down in stakes, and am dedicating myself to the game again, I'm keeping track from here.

These are mostly from $12 turbos with only a few $24 turbos added in.

SNGs: 70
Net: +130
ROI: 15%
ITM: 29/70 = 41%

Pretty average stuff. I'm still down about $250 on FullTilt (if I finish that $600 bonus though...)

Poker Bankroll: still sucks at about $600.

New goals:
1) Always ask myself "why am I doing this" with all my actions.
2) Keep the music off while playing. 1+2 are about concentrating on my game.
3) Don't play more than 6-tables. This is for a few reasons... such as hand reading and keeping me more attentive to the tables.
4) Stop making fancy moves. I do not need to re-steal with KT or A5 against donks to beat these games. Tight early and pushing late does the trick.
5) If a push is significantly +EV, do it regardless of past occurrences. I've been giving up too many profitable situations lately out of fear of bubbling again.
6) Stop worrying about what happens with the all-in. You got the money in at the right time with the right hand and that's all that matters.
7) Stop complaining so much about suckouts. Don't write them out (unless especially funny or brutal), don't tell others. This only harms my attitude and my confidence.

I also made another change... although turbos give better $/hr, I really need to stick with the regulars until I fully regain my confidence. I'll have a bigger ROI this way and enjoy playing more cuz lately I've been hating poker.

My first run with the regs went amazingly well! 12s are turbos, 22s are regs.

22 (1st) $90
22
12 (1st) $50
22 (3rd) $36
22 (1st) $90
12 (1st) $50

The 3rd I got in the 22 was from QQ v 22.

Now that I have about $540 on FullTilt, I've started 6-tabling a mix of 22s and 33s. So far everything is about average, a couple awful beats, but I also got a few awesome suck outs.

*****************
CUMULATIVE
*****************
SNGs: 118
Net: +252
ROI: 14%
ITM: 40%

Bankroll: $800

So I'm bored and reading a bunch of other BTP journals. I've come to realize that I'm only a slightly better than average poker player. The biggest reason I stick with SNGs is because of the lack of poker-thinking required. Once you understand the importance of chip conservation early on and profitable pushes to make later on, you can win with SNGs. These are completely different skills than required for NL cash and heads-up. And I am very weak in those areas.

I donked around on FT's NL25 6-max tables for about an hour. I made something like $10? Whoopie! I had to switch tables like 4 times because of how ridiculously tight the play was. The average VPIP for those tables were 22% - FOR SIX-MAX. I made most of my monies from taking down the 35cents in blinds there.

I made maybe two skillful plays, the rest were pretty automatic.

I open-limp UTG with 66, BTN limps, BB checks (the rest fold). Flop is . Checks around. Turn is . I bet 3/4 pot and only BTN sticks around. River is another 8. I check and hope for a cheap showdown. BTN bets full pot. His bet doesn't make sense, so I call. He had T5o and I take down the $3 pot or whatever. HIGH FIVE!

I'm finally making a small profit on FTP now! I'm currently up to $700 (from $600 deposit)!

From the start-over...

SNGs: 142
Net: +261
ROI: 11%
ITM: 39%

I've also made a little money with NL cash on the side. Nothing better than having a set against a donk overplaying TP.

And I'm finally getting a little better at heads-up. My biggest leak is not knowing what to do against a check-raise. If I have nothing but Q-high, and my only options are shove/call/fold (any smaller raise nearly puts me all-in by this time in the SNG), I just go with fold. He could have K-high, A-high, or a random draw, I cannot afford the chips to find out, and I don't know if I have any folding equity. I tend to only win heads-up with a huge stack advantage or getting lucky all-in (good cards at the right time, or winning as a 30/70 or 40/60 dog).

Bankroll: $900

I'm supposed to stop playing poker until after Thursday at least. I need to take care of other matters. Someone send me an IM to remind me to stop playing poker and study! For my study breaks I'll be replacing poker with video games. Lately I've been getting into Super Metroid again.

On another note, I don't believe I'm gay anymore. And none of my friends or my psychiatrist believe I am. I don't even know what else to say there. I'm trying to just not think about it anymore and go with whatever feels right. And lately that's been not bothering with meeting any new people and only spending time with a few close friends or spending a lot of time on my own. My life is very lonely and I feel unable to make things better there. I just try to ignore it everyday - most days I'm successful.

I had another talk with my psychiatrist today and he put me on more meds. YAY DRUGS RULE MY LIFE, ALWAYS!! I think the ones I'm on now are better than my previous ones - I can actually focus on things for longer than 20 seconds without distraction.

Nah..., things are clearing up. It was a scary couple hours. I hope the worst of it is over...