Saturday, July 22, 2006 - First shot at $50 NL

In light of my bankroll and some advice I've read here and elsewhere, I decided to take a shot at the next level (I will still be requiring myself to complete 25,000 hands with a 5 PTBB/100 winrate before making the switch full-time). Blah. Lost a buy-in over 250 hands single-tabling. One buy-in is only a drop in the bucket - no biggie.

Obviously one session doesn't tell the story, and it was only 250 hands at that, but a few observations about $50 NL so far:

1. The play isn't much better than the $25 NL guys, if anything it's looser.

2. I find that CB's are given less respect, and some guys are firing off second shots

3. The pots aren't twice as big, despite the stakes doubling - this will make it harder to get my/their stack in when I have a big hand.

4. I'm trying to figure out the proper raise - I tried both 4x and 5x, the table standard was about 4x. I may continue to raise 5-6x as I do at $25 NL.

5. There was A LOT more PF raising going on - yes, plenty of limping too, but someone almost always popped it up. I may have to re-evaluate my calling standards and start involving some other hands besides AK and PP's (I'm thinking suited connectors in position rather than AQ AJ type hands that are subject to domination). I can't just sit there and be a rock.

That's it so far. I will likely play $50 NL on the weekends until I'm "done" with $25 NL, so long as my bankroll is over $1,000. The weekends generally feature softer games, so I like the idea of easing into the game this way.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Another very good week for me.

My ring game bankroll surpassed the $1,000 mark and kept going from there. It's nice to have my hands hold up for a change and actually be able to get paid off on my big ones. About 7K more hands to go at $25 NL until I'm ready to move up to $50 NL - it may be a bit longer, as the numbers aren't quite up to where I want them to be, but that's due to the first 10K hands being breakeven - I'm at about 10 PTBB/100 for my last 8K hands at $25 FR, so that's pretty good.

I took my first shots at $50 NL this weekend as well - last night didn't play out according to plan, but tonight was a different story. +4 buy-ins in less than 200 hands. By far my biggest winning day $ wise. It's nice to experience the extreme good side of variance once in awhile as well.

More $25 NL grinding this week - much like last week, just working toward the 25K hands - assuming my bankroll holds up, I'll be playing $50 NL again next weekend as well.

Played a few MTT's this weekend as well - played like a jackass in Friday's events, but cashed in both events on Saturday (and not just barely, finished 15th and 22nd, out of 500+ entrants in both, so not that bad). My ring game is far stronger than my tournament game, but there's no substitute for experience, so onward.

BR (ring) = $1,273.54 +$364.73
BR (MTT) = $157.22 -$0.31

Farewell

Well guys, this may seem like a total bombshell, but it’s actually been a long time coming (“long” compared to the amount of time I’ve been taking poker seriously). Things have gotten worse for me in the last few months, and I’m not talking about my poker results either. I’m talking about the sacrifices I’ve had to make to continue to take the game seriously, study, and improve. If this weren’t the best poker forum bar none on the internet I wouldn’t even bother posting this.

What I’m posting here isn’t intended as me trolling for any kind of sympathy (though I encourage comments and discussion between the rest of you), rather, I hope this post serves as a learning tool for everyone.

Effective now, I’m going to retire. Several reasons:

1. Health – Instead of going to the gym before/after work like I used to before I began “grinding”, I’ve had to sleep later in the morning to compensate for staying up later at night playing poker. And obviously I’ve spent my nights playing cards instead of working out, seeing friends, and relaxing like I probably need to do more of. I’ve put on at least 20 pounds in the last six months and quite frankly never feel good and am always short on energy. Being only 28 years old and in otherwise good health, there’s no other explanation.

2. Relationships – Relationships with family, friends, etc. have been strained as a result of my dedication to this game of ours over the last several months. I’ve never hid the fact that I spend a great deal of time playing poker and am actually very upfront with it with everyone, but I know that each time I opt not to go out and do something with my friends, or don’t call my parents because I’m in the middle of a session, a small piece of my relationships with respective persons is tarnished. I don’t have a girlfriend right now – I’ve never been the type that feels the need to always be in a relationship to be happy, but I used to date quite a bit before I started playing poker a great deal, now, nothing. I think I can count the number of dates I’ve been on in the last year on one hand.

3. Self-esteem – Like many others here, I’m a highly competitive person who needs to be the best at everything to be happy. Obviously the fact that I have a full-time career at a public accounting firm prohibits me from putting in the time necessary to be a superior player. Anything less in unacceptable to me. I’ve been struggling with this perhaps more than anything else, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m truly frustrated with myself and it’s spreading to other areas of my life. In fact I actually think I have some nerve damage in a couple of my fingers in my right hand from slamming my fist so hard over and over (my desk isn’t going to break if it hasn’t already). This alone is probably case enough for me to quit.

4. Work – Up until recently, this hasn’t been a problem. I managed to juggle work and poker very well, actually getting a nice bonus and raise this year. However, I just can’t hack the 4-5 hours of sleep I’m getting anymore. Perhaps some of this relates to the health issues mentioned above. For the first time, I was spoken to at work about my work slipping and certain internal deadlines not being met. I’ve been spending time at work browsing BTP, and surely the time lost doing that has cost me in my performance.

5. Quite frankly, I’m just not enjoying the game anymore.


These are the main reasons that stick out in my mind. Some if not most of these may actually strike the reader as me being a problem gambler, and you may be right. I think the main problem I’m having is not practicing moderation as I do with other interests I have in my life. I’m not a poker professional, I never will be, nor do I want to be. I need to stop treating it as such.

Having said everything above…

I don’t think I’m going to stop playing poker 100% - an hour of poker in lieu of a TV show isn’t problematic IMO. I have no plans to blow my bankroll or even to withdraw it, I’m not going to delete any poker clients or get rid of any PokerTracker databases. So, the following:

• I’m still going to play within my bankroll (this is the greatest concept I’ve taken from this forum by far)

• I will be much less active at BTP if at all – I may on occasion post a hand or give a comment here and there, but for all intensive purposes this is my last “regular” post here at BTP

• Mainly for ease, I will still use PokerTracker – not for table selection and stats, but mostly to track wins and losses for tax purposes and to see how I’m doing

• I will no longer be posting in my journal (although I think my somewhat brief journey will be a good learning tool for current and future BTPers that either have the time to put into the game to see what is possible, and for those people that are having reservations about poker/life balance)

Obviously I have a lot to work out in my life, and I’m not the first to bow out, and won’t be the last, I’m glad I’m doing it by choice and with no real hostility (except for as noted above, which is one of the reasons why I’m stopping). After some time, when I manage to correct the things going on right now, I may be a bit more active and maybe even stage a comeback, but suffice to say that my “serious poker days” are over.

There’s too many of you to thank individually for your contributions to both my journal and my game, so thank you everyone. To you newer guys (and actually, veterans alike) -life first, then poker.

Take care and stack some donks for me.

-Runner_Runner