Dude, the nervous breakdown happened ages ago. You shoulda figured that out by now! What you saw in the last 3 posts was a combination of my broken-down state, a lotta gin, and the fact that the english language blows more cock than my whore-bag sister.

Disclaimer : Although I've mentioned this before, I feel I should reiterate the fact that I DO NOT, in reality, have a sister. But if I did, she probably would be quite a slut.

On to important matters!

I played about 2 hours so far today, and I'll probably try to play a bunch more after I completely rapify all your asses in the upcoming BtP Tourney. My early session went pretty golly-darned decently! I think I played well, and also was assisted by some nice hands. Also hampered by a few ugly suckouts, but since I also laid a few beautiful beats down myself, I can't complain. For your viewing pleasure, I will now give my ugliest hand of the day, followed by my most delectable.

UGLY, DISGUSTING, HORRIBLE "WHAT THE SHIT" HAND OF THE DAY:

Party Poker 3/6 Hold'em (10 handed)

Preflop: TW is CO with , .
2 folds, UTG+2 calls, 3 folds, TW calls, 1 fold, SB completes, BB checks.

Flop: (4 SB) , , (4 players)
SB checks, BB checks, UTG+2 checks, TW bets, SB folds, BB calls, UTG+2 folds.

Turn: (3 BB) (2 players)
BB checks, TW bets, BB raises, TW 3-bets, BB calls.

River: (9 BB) (2 players)
BB checks, TW bets, BB raises, TW calls.

Final Pot: 13 BB

Results in white below:
BB has 5c 5s (full house, fives full of twos).
TW has Kc 9c (flush, king high).
Outcome: BB wins 13 BB.

Seriously. What the fuck/shit. And so help me, piers, if you give me any crap for playing K9sooooooted, I will never again offer you my world-class advice on how to play QJs UTG.

BEAUTIFUL, MIRACULOUS "WORLD-CLASS-CARD-CATCHING" HAND OF THE DAY:

Party Poker 3/6 Hold'em (10 handed)

Preflop: TW is UTG+2 with , .
2 folds, TW raises, 1 fold, MP2 3-bets, 3 folds, SB calls, 1 fold, TW caps, MP2 calls, SB calls.

Flop: (13 SB) , , (3 players)
SB bets, TW calls, MP2 raises, SB calls, TW calls.

Turn: (9.50 BB) (3 players)
SB checks, TW bets, MP2 raises, SB calls, TW 3-bets, MP2 calls, SB calls.

River: (18.50 BB) (3 players)
SB checks, TW bets, MP2 calls, SB calls.

Final Pot: 21.50 BB

Results in white below:
SB has Jd 8s (two pair, kings and jacks).
TW has Ks Kc (four of a kind, kings).
MP2 has Ad As (two pair, aces and kings).
Outcome: TW wins 21.50 BB.

Gotta be the biggest pot I've ever won with quads by far. Can you say "KERPOW!?" I know I can.

Guess I'll wrap this up and go do some pre-tourney meditation. Ya know, harness my whatsit, channel my thingies, stuff like that!

Current limit : 3-6 LHE
Current Bankroll : $1567

-TW

Well, I aquitted myself magnificently in the BtP tourney. Made some great calls against MG to drain about half my stack away, then made a world-class call of his raise with J9o, and caught trips to double back up. I then decided to switch gears, and replaced my great calls with even better laydowns against MG...granted, I was probably laying down the best hand on multiple occasions, but they were great laydowns nevertheless.

After working my stack down to about 350, I managed to get all-in as the moral favorite against ricardoon, despite being a significant mathematical underdog...but he sucked out when I failed to catch ANY of my plethora of 8 outs. Good times, nevertheless!

Now for some rather uncharacteristic compliments! Both rich and monk played pretty damned well, and gave me a serious scare (due to an illadvised side-bet with monk, I stood to lose $100 if a brit won the thing)...madger continues to impress with his hand-reading abilities, only second to his incredibly ability to whine in very hellmuthesque fashion when he busts! Ice gave a good showing, despite my finest efforts to heckle him into submission, but the real star of the show was...

Me. I rock.

Just kidding. Low Dough, alias "Jeff", pulled out a very nice victory against some stiff competition at the star-studded final table. Congrats to him! More to the point, congrats to me! I had a staking arrangement with him, so he now owes me 163% of his winnings. Score!

Anyhow, fun times, everybody, I'm looking forward to continuing my utter mastery of the event next month!

-TW

Thanks for the kind words, TW.
I caught the cards when I needed them, and sucked out at the right times, in true KennyG fashion.

Let's see.....163% of winnings for each dollar staked.
Amount staked ($0.00) times 163% (0 x 1.63) = stakers share ( $0.00)

Had you staked me in all 4 tourneys I have played $44.00 and gotten half my winnings $52.50, it would be a profit of $8.50.
Food for thought.

I really can't say how good it feels to finally bust outta this up-and-down, roller-coaster bullshit and book a solid $400+ win.

The reason I can't say is because I did not, in reality, book a solid $400+ win. I actually wound up about 70ish down. Ain't that a bitch?

First off, I played just a bit late last night, played really badly, lost about 80 or 90 bucks.

And after how I played this afternoon, I'm lucky to be only down 70 from yesterday! I played a two hour session, and quite frankly, my play was awful. I raised too much, called too much, folded too little, and was rather hard on my poor mouse in addition. The worst part is that after about an hour and a half of subpar play, I took a little break, cleared my head, and started to crawl my way back up...right until I got the dreaded JJ (both black) and flopped a beautiful Qd-Td-3d. Yeah, I know, it's not actually beautiful. Two dudes in, I bet, and one called. The turn was another ten, and we both checked. The river was a GORGEOUS Jd! BOAT IN DA HIZOUSE, DAWGS! Sadly, a royal flush was also in the hizouse. Not a bad beat, since I was behind on every street, but it still hurt a bit! On the whole, I lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 150.

My evening session was a whole different story. I was patient, focused...my bluffs, my calls, my folds, my blind-posts, my inane banter...everything was dead on. Ended after 3 hours, about 220 up for the session!

Lately, it seems like I've just been constantly alternating between the best poker I've played in one session, and the most tilt-riddenly shitty I've played in the next. If I can eliminate the latter, I should be able to claw back to my previous heights! Here's hopin.

Current limit : 3-6 LHE
Current Bankroll : $1419

-TW

It was a day of much bloodshed and anguish, 'pon which the cries of the helpless mortals could be heard far and wide. "Uncle!" didst they rasp with their dying breaths, but no quarter was given. For this was a day when our hero did vanquish the mighty legions set before him, suffering hardly more than the occasional scratch or bruise. With surgical precision, his blows fell; and with calm, relentless strokes were his vile enemies slain. And when the battle was won, he gazed with grim satisfaction upon the bloodied fields, his dark eyes showing neither pity nor jubilation.

I really kicked some fuckin ass today.

Played a few short sessions as opposed to one or two long ones, which really helped me stay focused. There weren't too many beats worth whining about, and I managed to take them in stride. Okay, maybe not in stride, but at least they didn't thoroughly tilt me. Maybe it helps that I laid down a couple suckouts myself, but on those, my opponents generally had themselves to blame for being too passive. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true, but it sounds good and takes the blame off me!

Here's a quick little hand that shows what happens when you slowplay AA against a Suit-Slut like myself.

Party Poker 3/6 Hold'em (10 handed)

Preflop: TW is BB with , .
5 folds, MP3 raises, 1 fold, Button calls, SB calls, TW calls.

Flop: (8 SB) , , (4 players)
SB checks, TW checks, MP3 bets, Button calls, SB calls, TW raises, MP3 3-bets, Button folds, SB caps, TW calls, MP3 calls.

Turn: (10.50 BB) (3 players)
SB bets, TW calls, MP3 calls.

River: (13.50 BB) (3 players)
SB bets, TW raises, MP3 folds, SB calls.

Final Pot: 17.50 BB

Results in white below:
SB has Ad Ah (one pair, aces).
TW has 8c 7c (straight, jack high).
Outcome: TW wins 17.50 BB.

Granted, the rockier among you folks mighta just mucked preflop anyway, but I don't see folding a mid-range sooooooted connector getting 7:1. On the flop, my value-checkraise backfired as they always do ...based on the SB's belated cap, I had him on either two pair or a set, but nope, turns out he decided to smoothcall preflop with AA and let me in cheap! He then went off for about 15 minutes about his AA getting cracked; not really against me, just a general rant.

Anyhow, I made about 250 today all told! Hopefully I can finish up the week on a good note tomorrow, as I won't really be able to play after that till I return from the parents' on Monday evening.

Current limit : 3-6 LHE
Current Bankroll : $1663

-TW

That's an easy call preflop, and your value raise worked perfectly, given that you own about half the pot on the flop and have two callers.

Titey- the cap was perfect. It was just what you wanted, since you were better than 50% to make your hand, and had 4 players in. In fact, if you could
a) be sure that no one had a set,
b) be sure that none of your outs made someone else a higher straight / flush
c) be sure that everyone would do the same--

if all these fantastical conditions were met, you should be more than happy to put your entire stack in on this flop.

Yeah i know, and if instead of **** coming out of your ass money came out instead, we'd all be able to give up poker playing.

Anyways congrats on a win that was way too long in coming. Good luck with the 'rents tomorrow, and tell your mom i apologize for the mess, but that i never woulda done it if she hadnt asked for it. . She'll know what i mean.

Tally Ho!

EDIT: DId i say asked for it? I meant beg for it...

Well, the cap didn't really upset me at all on that hand...basically, though, there have been too many times when I've had a good draw, tried to raise/check-raise the field for value, and get 3-bet making it heads-up. It's not a BAD thing if this happens (since I still have a lotta outs), but I can't help but feel that I'm better off trying to keep people in. Can't have it both ways, I guess.

Looking back at this hand, I'm a bit tempted to wonder whether a club would've been good for my hand or not.

-TW

With that BR I'm fairly sure you're ready to take your first tentative steps into 30/60.

Monk
xxxxx

Well, I've returned unscathed from another long weekend with the folks. Obviously, no poker happened during that stretch. I got back at about 6:30 pm last night, looking forward to the HORSE tourny at 9...but sadly, not many other people were. For christ's sake, the organizer didn't even fucking show up! Fucking salami. Other notable absentees were star, lushy, nawton and bri. I'm sure you have perfectly good excuses which I'll take the liberty of ignoring. So...ummmm...you all suck. I'm sorry, but it needed to be said.

On the bright side, I did finally manage to pull out a big victory against a massive 11-man field, almost half of which were people I had to scrounge up at the last minute. Piers finished 2nd, and after how low he was (on numerous occasions), it's to his credit that he made it that far. I went into the heads-up with something like a 6:1 chip-lead after quite a rush of card-catching...I then crippled rocky on a nice little suckout, but he made a surprising comeback, only to succomb to yet another rush of luck-sackery. Overall, I had my normal share of suckouts and idiot plays, but I do think that I played pretty well...here and there, anyway. Most importantly, I didn't have to pay the $25.63 bounty I had offered!

Anyway, I'll be getting back to the grind tomorrow, hopefully with a renewed fervor and at least a halway-decent measure of zeal. I'd like to get a minimum of 5 hours in at the ol' 3-6ers, and I'll follow it up by playing some other dude's HORSE tourney at 10. It's a $10+1 event, and the password is "Saddle" if anyone else is interested. Hopefully a few BTPers will show...I'm so much better at sucking out on people I know.

-TW

I had other things come up so I couldn't make it. Think of it this way, with all of us gone, you actually had a chance to win this time.

Well, I didn't really book as many hours as I'd hoped to today, but what the fuck can ya do, right? Started off with a really dull, pointless 2ish-hour session this afternoon, which netted me a loss of about 6 bucks.

I then got thoroughly drunk in preperation for a $10 HORSE tourney on Full Tilt (yes, I'm addicted to these things)...Tex, Bri and Nawton showed as well, which made it a bit more fun. I sucked and lucked my way to a commanding chip lead going into the final table, but then my fortunes finally turned, and I lost a couple pots on bad beats, and many more on idiotic plays that I should be (but am not) ashamed of. I wound up busting in 6th, pretty unimpressive since I went into the final table with about 14K chips, the average being around 4000. That's why they call it poker!

Don't ya hate that cliche? It doesn't even make any sense! Someone will take a vicious beat, and some other dumbass will invariably say, "Hey, that's why they call it poker!" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT THE FLAMING FUCK DOES THE SIMPLE, ARBITRARY WORD "POKER" HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH GETTING SUCKED OUT ON!!!? Makes me wanna fucking spit.

Anyway, after that I guzzled down a couple cups of rancid, lumpy coffee, which got into a bit of war with the yuengling I'd previously consumed. Left me feeling a bit more sober and a lot more nauseous. Did I mention the coffee was lumpy? Not sure how that happened.

Nevertheless, I decided to get back at it, and booked another hour and a half at the 3-6 tables. This session went a lot better, not much to say about it other than that I caught a shitload of cards and played decently. Netted me about $240.

Well, that about wraps that up...hopefully I'll be a bit better about getting some serious hours in tomorrow, but considering that I'm a tremendous slacker, I doubt it! Later.

Current limit : 3-6 LHE
Current Bankroll : $1652

-TW