My Trip to Las Vegas.

Roped one of my vendors into getting me a car service to the airport, so I've already saved like $100+ in airport parking fees. Winner!

Flew in Wednesday, headed to the Hard Rock. The Hard Rock is changing quite a bit. They're adding two new towers on the other side of the beach area, they're moving The Joint to the other side of the building (on the parking lot), the present Joint will be a second casino that looks much like the first, they closed that big bar on the side of the casino and that will be some douchey bar/live music thing called Wasted Space (which I'm sure is not just a clever name), they closed Simon and will be opening a douchier restaurant called Ago, and most importantly they closed that fucking cigar store and are turning it into a poker room. Two or three years too late to that party, but I'll take it.

Meanwhile, it's fucking empty and I'm loving it.

Checked in then headed to Mr Lucky's for the $7.77 steak and shrimp. They've completely changed the menu there but they still have the special, so I know that the Hard Rock still knows what's up. Played some blackjack and craps after that and made like $900. For some unknown reason I went to Bellagio after that, played some boring-ass 5/10 and broke even, then lost like $400 playing craps. I was on the list for Bobby's Room but Doyle, Gus, Phil Ivey, Eli Elezra, Minh Ly, etc. must have had a bigger fish than me at the table so I never got called.

Played two tourneys on Thursday- the daytime $540 at Bellagio (it was retarded but I busted early anyway) and the nighttime $180 at Venetian. Only notable hand I recall was getting AA right after making some comment about stealing blinds. It folds to me in the cutoff and I make it 3x. Guy next to me is only on the 2nd or maybe 3rd level so he goes over the top with AQ. He's the only guy that can double me up. And he does. Pretty much cruised after that, and ended up losing heads up to Jamie Gold, or at least some guy who was catching cards like him. $1400 net.

Had an excellent dinner at Bouchon. Pretty damn reliable place.

Did get to witness Magic Antonio and his army of skank parade through the poker room like they just conquered France. Presumably on their way to Tao, where they don't wait in line.

Also lost about $400 in the 5/10 game at Bellagio on Thursday. This is what writers refer to as "foreshadowing."

Check into Mandalay Bay on Friday. It's still empty. I get to the desk and the kinda surly Russian chick with a giant moley moley mole on her face informs me that my reservation was for the previous night and has therefore been cancelled. Oops! My bad. Since it was two nights paid/one night free I originally booked it for those three nights before changing my plans and not telling them about it. She asks me if I have my confirmation #; I flip through my papers, skip over the one that says "Mandalay Bay Reservation Confirmation" and say no, and that when I booked it over the phone there did seem to be some confusion on the reservation agent's part, so that might be the cause of it. Anyway, she books me at the original rate since I'm the only one checking into the hotel that day. This incident did screw up my plans to go for the free room upgrade though. Would be very Costanza of me to ask after all that.

Rooms are very nice at Mandalay, they've renovated all of them. There is one peculiar quirk though- there's a big ole picture window between the hall and the bathroom. Yep, a full window with some frosted strips over the glass that don't do anything. I assume they only have this window in the one-king rooms and not the two-queens, but still- who thought this was a good idea?

Had lunch at the Burger Bar- love that place- and played some poker in the Poker Room of the Third Reich. They have finally learned that an iPod is not a two-way communications device and are thus allowed, but you can't keep it on the table. You also can't chop the blinds, $100 chips don't play (despite that there is very little room to stack chips because of that stupid wood rim), and they're just generally dickish about other things. I build a stack early as the donk to my right is, well, a donk, and he then goes on super massive tilt and starts doing stuff like raising $100 preflop on every hand. He's from Minnesota, looks like a serial killer, is drunk, and is telling me that poker players from California are all assholes while people from Minnesota are nice because they're basically Canadian. Sure thing, Dahmer.

I'm up to about $800 (its a 2/4, $400 buyin game) when I see a flop of JT7 with JT. Dumbass bets (as always), I raise, original raiser reraises, dumbass goes all in (he's got $700 now), and I call. I know original raiser has an overpair and god only knows what dummy has. Of course he has the mortal nuts, and with the call from the retard at the other end of the table with his AA, he triples up. He's no longer surly.

Surly takes a whole new dimension when some crusty old local shows up, thinks he got screwed on the blinds, and calls the dealer a cocksucker. He doesn't get thrown out or talked to or anything. Just a suggestion from another player to watch his blood pressure. Huh? I can't look at my phone to see what time it is here but I could call the dealer a cocksucker?

Life's too short, I leave down about $300. Hate losing in retarded low-stakes games.

Had dinner at Stripsteak and Mandalay, which is the Michael Mina place with the huge scotch menu. Kid in a candy store for me. Tried a handful of them, bartender's generous that way. Had a long chat with him in which he basically told me the food's no good there (all I had was chicken, it was decent). I asked him if Mina had been to the restaurant since the grand opening, or even knows that he owns it. Didn't get an answer, just a chuckle.

Back to Bellagio that night. In the 5/10 game, and sit there for about an hour and lose $1300 without winning a single hand. Lose a chunk when my KK runs into a set of sixes, don't know how the rest went. This game sucks. I'm on the list for 10/20 NL so I move over there when that seat comes open. This would prove to be a very bad idea. I buy in for $3000, which at the time was enough until people start getting sent to the main game and we're now 5-handed and the two big stacks (like $15k) are still there. We're playing 4-handed when one of them open-raises on the button and I call with AT in the SB. Flop is AA4. I bet out $300 into the $300 pot. He calls. He could have a bigger ace but think about how unlikely that is in the current situation. And he'd probably raise me here with a bigger ace. Turn is an 8, I check and he bets $500, I call. Now I have to start thinking about my own kicker and the fact that he won't call a raise unless he has me beat, but he will keep betting if he doesn't think I have an ace. River's a low card and I check, he bets $1000. I call. He turns over A8.

This leaves me crippled and I'm not rebuying. I push my remaining $200 or so preflop on the next hand with 99, as I've decided to just go tourney-style with what I have left. Get called by AT and lose. I wasn't rolled for this table and I shouldn't have been there.

Now I'm stuck $4600 in two hours at two tables and I didn't win a single hand. That would be a new low for those scoring at home.

I'm also almost out of cash on hand, I've got about $1000 in my pocket. I need to tap my line of credit at Bellagio just so I'll have enough to last me the next couple days. They don't allow markers to be written in the poker room, so I have to go out to the casino, ask for a marker at a table, and play there long enough to make it look good. I do exactly that, getting $5k at a craps table and playing above my limits there since you really can't ask for a $5k marker and put $10 on the line, can you? "I'll need a stack of nickels with that, please" just doesn't sound good. I don't stay long, the table's no good so I have an excuse to leave, so I color up the $4500 that's left and take off.

Now here's the new wrinkle I've learned about markers this big. I go to the cage to cash my chips, to complete my devious plan. He asks me for my players card, which is standard for an amount this large (what with all the new Fed rules). He says he can't cash them since I have an outstanding marker. DAMMIT. Now I need to think of new ways to cash the chips. I take one yellow chip to the poker room and cash it there, since they don't ask questions for one chip, and figure I'll figure something out later for the rest. I love how I'm made to feel like a criminal when I'm just trying to cash some chips.

Later on back at Mandalay I ask them at the cage if I can cash a Bellagio yellow chip. They say yes, but they'll have to call Bellagio first. Rats.

I do discover that Mandalay now has doubledeck blackjack that is dealt face down, the only way I'll play it. And they've got it at $25 minimum presumably since it's dead. I say to our dealer, Miss Congeniality 1972, that I'm happy they offer this now. She says they've always had it. I say no, you haven't, at least not before this past July and not at these limits. She says they have. I say...well I just decided to give up at that point and never tip the bitch.

Next day I go to the Venetian to play the noon $550 buyin tourney. I decide on a tourney since I can't stomach the thought of further cash game losses at this moment. We get 93 suckers for this event, and its a decent structure- $10k in chips, 25/50 blinds to start, 40 minute rounds. I start building early with a stellarly played AA vs KK, and some more stellarly played sets I flopped. At a point in the tourney when the average stack was about $18k, I had $60k. My problem then was that there were only short stacks around me, so it was tough to play them for reals. But then again, I didn't really need to.

Naturally I go card and flop dead for like two straight hours after changing tables. I double up a couple of shorties making odds calls, and that kinda thing can sting. Before I know it I'm back down to an average stack and starting to go Stuart Smalley in my head. I can do it. I've done this before. I'm not in bad shape. I'm better than these people. The cards will return.

And the cards returned. It's the stage in the tourney where there's so many all-ins preflop that you better have cards, and I get a couple of very well-timed hands good enough to bust two shorter stacks. We're now at two tables and I'm healthy again, above average.

Tourney pays 9 spots so there's still work to do. As is always the case, there are a few people who just don't belong in a tourney this late, but for the most part the people left know how to play. The last remaining woman (if you could call her that) busts via suckout and goes apeshit on her way out. Ironic, since at the previous table she survived by dishing out the EXACT SAME SUCKOUT. I build my stack mostly on the back of the completely worthless old guy who keeps limping in. By the time we get to the final table I have a very healthy stack.

And that stack gets bigger fairly soon at the final table. We pay the 10th spot the buyin; it ends up being worthless old guy. IIRC it involved my 22 winning a race. I bust another guy with KTs when I raise and he pushes with AJo. King on the flop. He said "nice hand" but I don't think he really meant it. I've now got about 1/4 of the chips in play. One other guy has about the same stack.

Guy to my right is annoying the everloving piss out of me. After every hand he's giving lessons and analysis and won't stop talking. He does this to me so I tell him "with all due respect, I don't want lessons." He just keeps talking as if I didn't say anything.

At 6-handed this same dumbass is trying to pitch a deal. He even stops me in the men's room on the break to ask if I'm amenable to a deal. Can it fucking wait til I get back to the table? He wants to guarantee everyone $5k and divide the remaining $9k between first and second places. Naturally he's one of the shorter stacks. Current payout is something like 14/9/6/3.5/3/2.5. I say I'll only agree to a chipcount deal, knowing that I'm the chipleader and would get over $10k. He thinks this is grossly unfair. He also says he has somewhere he's supposed to be and is constantly on the phone. SHUFFLE UP AND DEAL.

Some guy who has a WPT title busts, and the luckiest guy at the table gets busted courtesy of yours truly. I win a race. He was the luckiest guy at the table as he was left with half a blind earlier (while in the blinds no less) and built it back to a real stack quickly. His first hand- 72o. I take care of him with JJ to his AQ.

Down to three-handed and it's me, the other guy with all the chips, and the dope with somewhere to be. He's still trying to swing some kind of deal. I'm desperately trying to not double him up and finish behind him. He gets his hand killed at one point when he answers the phone. Idiot still doesn't know you can't do that? He even makes the floorman make a decision on it. Jesus Christ.

God makes an appearance when dummy raises from the button, I fold and other guy calls. Flop comes down A64. Good guy checks, bad guy goes all in. Good guy insta-calls. Bad guy goes "ah, you got the ace?" NOPE. 64s. Bad guy has 77 and is apoplectic that he got called by 64s.

Here's a lesson then. Perhaps when you're the shortstack in this situation you should just push with your 77? You know, the blinds are significant and you're likely going to miss the flop, and any postflop bet commits you, so...

Oh wait, I'm not the one who gives lessons. Instead I shake his hand and say "good game."

Other guy has a bit more than me now, it's 535k to 395k. I'm thinking deal at this point, since he knows what he's doing and there's not that huge a gap between us. I hold up the action but am being fairly quiet about it as the douche is collecting his money and out of respect to him I'm not being very vocal about the fact that we're making a deal. Even though he's a douche doesn't mean I am.

We make the chipcount deal. Based on the math I can do in my head, I had thought it would be about $13k/$11k. Works out to be $14k/$10k. I honestly would not have made the deal if I knew it was that much of a gap, but I did already agree to it before the dollars were figured out. Other guy swings it a few hundy more in my direction to make it a bit more palatable, and we collect our plunder and head on out.

Now I've got another cashier cage dilemma on my hands. I have over $10k but don't want to cash out that much because of the Feds and all. So I go donk off a few quid at craps. Good times. There are Bruins everywhere since the team and fans were staying at the Venetian for the Las Vegas Bowl (which they just lost, but covered the spread). I get down to $9900 and go to the cage, have to give them my name and SSN but don't have to fill out the paperwork. And most importantly...

I can now pay off my marker and cash my Bellagio chips, which I do back at Mandalay. I was the guy at the cashier window for like 15 minutes paying a marker and doing an inter-company transfer.

I also finally hit a halfway decent roll at craps, but I'm still down a grand or so in my non-poker escapades.

Casino at this point on Saturday is pretty busy (as was Venetian). Mandalay is overrun with Persians, since as a friend pointed out they hate Jesus. Lots of Asians too since they too hate Jesus. But the Persians, I didn't see that one coming. Makes sense though.

So amid the overwhelming stench of cigar smoke and cologne that has been applied with a firehose, I head to my room.

Sunday's a lazy day. I head down to the casino, dodge a stroller while tripping over two more strollers and then dodge three more. Spend some time at MGM Grand of all places playing some poker, spend some time playing last-minute craps and blackjack and video poker. Can't make any headway there. To the airport to head to Oakland, nearly the last one on the plane but I get a window seat anyway next to cool (and thankfully small) people who are heading from Orlando to Spokane and are on their 3rd flight of the day. Now that's no way to travel.

And now I'm back in the East Bay where I belong.

Nice writeup. Bunch of us are going to be out there in Feb if you are up to another trip.