Here's why I can't play the stupid capped buy-in games anymore.

I get to the Bike and play some 5/10 (uncapped game) but we're 3-handed and not much fun. So I go to the 5/5 (capped, $500 buyin) game for a bit. I'm there for 15 minutes. This happens.

Hand #2: get KK and run into AA, lose a stack.

Hand #8 or so: get on the button, follow like 18 limpers in. Flop comes down . Same guy who had the AA a few hands ago bets $15, I raise it to $50, he calls and we're heads up. Turn is a 5. He checks, I bet $75, he calls. River is a blank but I assume my two pair is good, he checks I bet $150 he calls. He has AA again. He was the 4th limper. He played it like he had A2 and thought he was paying me off on the end. WTF? How are people this stupid? There goes the better part of another stack.

Hand #15 or so: I only have $120 left and am UTG so I go for the old straddle/push move. Bunch of limpers, I have 88 so I shove. Get called by 55. I personally guarantee him a 5, which shows up on the turn.

I crawl back to the 3-handed 5/10 game.

Thankfully I had a good night there, making back the $1000 I lost in 5/5 plus about $600 more. But still, jesus christ.

A couple fun hands from the weekend:

- 77 on the button. A couple limpers, I raise it to $50 for shits and giggles and end up with 5 players total. Flop is . Yay! My evil plan has worked. Checks to me and I bet out $150. One sucker is eyeing his own stack as he's thinking about a raise. He's got about $900 so if he does anything he'll likely push and I'll surely call. He does in fact push, and I assume he has a superdraw. I hold up the action to see if he wants to deal, sure enough he has and we decide to run it three times. He wins it twice, the fucker.

Afterward I'm thinking about that hand and how it's one of those hands where both players did exactly what they were supposed to do, and how rare it is to have big hands like that. Kind of an unavoidable collision. That's poker.

- AKs UTG. I open it to $50, guy to my left calls, and someone pushes for $320. I don't really want to play since it's my last hand at the table. Goes to the SB who calls it, which is all the invitation I need to GTFO. It's late and I'm stupid though, so before I fold I show the SB my hand forgetting that the other guy is still in the hand. So he demands that my hand get tabled, and he then folds...AKs as well. And now it gets weirder. The all-in guy turns over KJo, and SB turns over...AKs. I had clubs, other guy had spades, SB has hearts. I completely expect to see the flop be all jacks or something. First card I see come off the flop is a jack, but flop is all hearts so the best hand does in fact win.

Three guys all have AKs, one guy has KJ...weird. And I saved everyone's ass by showing my cards, since the other guy said he would have pushed (and SB would have folded) had he not seen my cards. I am a hero.

Vegas!

As is my custom, I lost at poker and won at everything else, because apparently I'm better at craps and blackjack than I am at poker. And I don't particularly feel like writing a trip report right now, so I'll just leave a handful of comments and if anyone has questions, fire away.

- Palazzo is open and is quite nice, definitely an improvement over the Venetian. But they do play the same songs in the same order every day. And I own blackjack there.

- I am completely incapable of winning at Bellagio, despite it being the stupidest poker room on the planet.

- I can't win at craps at Bellagio either, despite never having TJ at my table.

- the suites at Monte Carlo still have a combined tub/shower with a shower curtain. Monte Carlo doesn't quite get it.

- I'm really glad the Patriots didn't go for the FU touchdown at the end. The FudgePackers can eat my ass.

- when you're at a strip club and your buddy comes back from a lap dance, with stripper in tow, and says "I either need the keys to the car or $200", you better just give him the $200.

- Magic Antonio Award for The Douchiest Douchebag of the Weekend was shared by a group of guys wearing homemade t-shirts that read "Poppin' Cherry's like Moet" (sic).

- soda at the Bellagio coffee shop costs $4.50.

- espresso is served in an espresso mug at Wynn, and in a paper cup at Venetian. that perfectly sums up the difference between the two properties.

- I'm really good at airport video poker.

And that's about it. Any questions?

Here's how you know you're having a bad night in the 5/10 NL game:

- Have AK, unimproved. You KNOW that the other guy has a busted flush draw when he bets out on the river. Call. He does have a busted flush draw, with bottom pair, which is good. He called $60 preflop with in the SB.

- AQ, there's an UTG limper and I raise it to $60. Flop is . Check, bet $100 into the $130 pot. Call. Turn is a brick. Check, bet $200. Call. River is the . Check/check. UTG has . Count the idiocies in that one.

- on the button, small raise and a bunch of callers. Completely whiff but I KNOW the other guy has unimproved AK, and I'm repping a real hand with every bet. I bet the river. He calls with the ace-high and wins.

- See above. It happened again a couple hours later against a different guy, nearly identical scenario.

So my session was hindered by my complete inability to get anyone to fold or to beat ace-high when I needed to. It would have been a great table if I could just get some fucking cards.

have you tried running hotter?