Let me preface this with I have not had sex since February. On Valentine's Day. And I haven't seen her since.

One of those cantelope, I mean, women, Allison, came over for dinner a few days ago. We made a vegan pizza together! It's really simple to make vegan - there's veganrella cheese. So we're chatting about whatever, playing some cards (WAR!!!), and watching a few of my massive collection of amusing videos on my computer. I meant to bring up the relationship issue with her but for some reason had such a good time with her I didn't even consider it. She's a great friend and I like spending time with her. But I'd also like to f.uck her brains out (can't be all touchy, can I? ). So here's my dilemma - relationship or friendship?

There's always Maria, someone I even more eagerly would like to f.uck. But there's so much mixed messages. Two weekends ago she tells me she wants to chill again soon and asks what I'm doing that weekend. Nothing happens. The next weekend I ask her to join me and see our campus' improv comedy group perform (I love improv comedy) and she tells me she'd love to and also mentions she'll be gone until Sunday but should make it back before the show starts at 7. I remain patient until about 5 and then try to reach her, to no avail. I walk to campus, by myself, see the show, by myself, and walk back to my apartment, by myself (cue violin playing )

I decide... f.uck her!

Monday comes, I finish typing up my term paper on rule-consequentialism, and I've received a new message! It's Maria again... she apologizes profusely, hopes I'm not upset, gives me her cell # (that I was suppose to ask her when I was high), and invites me to join her Thursday night. I'm more ambivalent about this scenario than MVP is about his sexuality (all those butt-sex references have to come from somewhere, right?). But I'll go along with it and see what happens. I should add that neither of us have a class (worth attending) on Friday, so there's that small chance something else could happen. To make a vague reference to Dumb and Dumber, "one in a million? you mean... there's still a chance?"

If this doesn't work, then f.uck if I know what to do! Get completely hammered and try to hit on stupid drunk chics?

See... I have this single bedroom apartment, yet I haven't made optimal usage of its advantages. That's a problem!

Oh yeah, this is my poker journal, right?

****************
***CUMULATIVE***
****************
105 SNGs
$1371 winnings
$920 buy-in + fees
$451 net profit
ROI = 49.02%

Whoops, seems I misread my total points in the BoDog lobby. Apparently you get 50 points for signing up, but that doesn't count for your bonus clearance. I cancelled the cashout and finished the bonus.

****************
***CUMULATIVE***
****************
132 SNGs
$1797 winnings
$1181 buy-in + fees
$616 net profit
ROI = 52.16
+$100 bonus = $716 profit
~25 hours of total play, roughly $28/hr

I recently returned from a friend's apartment where we played two poker tournies. I placed first in both.

Some of these players are downright terrible. They will play any-ace, any two broadway, any two suited, any pair, and any connectors. They frequently limp with complete trash and fold to raises, so I took advantage of that. The best part... some of them really think they have a good understanding of the game and will misapply concepts like pot odds. They also do not understand how much they should be betting pre-flop as well as post-flop. Finally, they do not understand when they're short-stacked, they should be playing push or fold. They should not call off 3/4 their chips and then fold to a bet on the flop.

I was middle stack on the button with 64s and people have seen me turn over good cards at showdown. Folded to me and I raise to steal. SB is short-stacked, counts out his chips and calls. The flop comes two of my suit and I put him all-in (betting about the size of the pot), he calls with TPTK, but I hit my flush on the river. If he re-raised me pre-flop with his AQ I would have folded easily.

I pickup 77 on the CO, folded to me, and I raise 3x BB, nothing fancy. SB is short-stacked and raises a little more than double mine, so I call intending to reevaluate on the flop. I hit my miracle 7 on the J-high flop, he pushes all-in and I insta-call. He smiles and shows his pocket aces. Once I said "set" he wasn't so happy. If he just raised all-in pre-flop, I probably would have folded then not wanting to get involved in a race situation.

The biggest error these players make is playing too passively. Their errors cost them their entire stack.

The second tourney we played also had a re-buy for the first hour. I never had to use it, but I'm happy it was there to beef up the prize pool. Still, I played against poor college kids, so we only played $5 buy-ins. I ended up making $40 from winning the two tourneys. I know, it's nothing, but I had a great night and it's still something so I'm not complaining.

Sod the poker! What happened on Thursday night?

Think poker - instead of just looking at your own cards, ask yourself what her actions say about her own holding.

It might be none of my business, but if a girl stood me up I'd need a very good and plausible reason from her.

North - thanks for the reminder.

Thursday I had trouble reaching Maria until late night. She still wanted me to come over and chill, at least that's what I got out of it. After finally reaching her, she told me she leaves tomorrow (Friday) and has to do some packing. So I'm already thinking, "guess we're not hanging out tonight!" Then she adds, "you can still come over and I'll try to entertain". Cool! I think for a couple minutes and decide it's late already and she's supposed to be packing, so I probably should postpone seeing her. When I tell her "we'll try another night" she responds, "you sure?". Now I'm starting to think, "okay, so she does want me over tonight!" and I end up walking over to her place.

I'll spare the minute details. We didn't have too much "alone time" with people on her floor stopping by. One of her neighbors wanted to know if she'd like to see the Harry Potter midnight premiere. Now I'm no die-hard Harry Potter fan, but I find them entertaining. Maria and I end up buying advance tickets on Fandango.

We still had a little more than an hour before we would leave for the movie, so we watched some TV in the mean time. I was sitting on her bed and she was next to me. Some dude from the floor, Max, also was over (on the other bed), so we still weren't alone. Her neighbor also stops in and somehow we end up discussing food. I mention not eating meat. They give me a quizzical look, so I add, "I'm serious". Nothing significant happens for a while and we're off to the movies (with like five others)!

We arrived there relatively late, so we couldn't even sit next to each other. At the end of the movie (like 2:50 AM), we call a cab and head outside. It's f.ucking cold outside, so I put on my "cancer patient" hat (Maria called it that). While walking around Maria stays right next to me and is practically leaning into me. I don't respond whatsoever, even though she seems to be saying she wants me to put my arm around her or whatever.

We finally return to campus at like 3:30, everyone's tired, and Maria still needs to pack. Of course she's not going to pack now, but she's going to sleep. End of night.

I don't really know what to make of her. She interests me and I find her attractive, but I'm never quite sure what she wants out of this. I'll meet up with her a few more times and see what happens.

I don't want to stick her in my oven for forty minutes covered with my sugar and margarine (vegan of course)!

Because you know... I clearly do not have sexual relations with the sweeet sweeeet suculent sweeeeet potatoes. MMmmmmm

F.uck yeah dude, I want that maple syrup!

It's not very difficult. Where's your imagination?

Unless you mean by molesting the maple syrup I will be making the avacada jealous again?